1. Start Acting Today
Dear parents, we have a very limited time frame to actually be a parent and plant a seed of love, respect and trust in our children’s hearts.
Each parent has 18 years or even less to build a great and close relationship with your child (children), believe me at this point, each face-to-face interaction (every conversation between you and your child), every minute counts.
When your child turns 17 or 18 years old, the higher chance that your wonderful kid will move out to get a degree out of state or simply find a job and prefer to live alone and explore life. If this happened you should absolutely keep supporting, mentor your child on main life principles, give the best possible advice or even few hundred of dollars at the end of each month (helping your child to pay credit cards etc.,).
You are truly blessed if your 18 or 19 years old son or daughter still living with you under one roof (saving money for a first home or new car) and have casual talks with you during family dinners, asking advice on important life topics. Bravo, you are a proactive parent because your child would like to be around you and made this choice!
2. Don’t Blame Yourself
In our days, unfortunately, we (parents) are super busy with our jobs or careers. Sometimes we have to invest tremendous amount of time and improve quality of our life – have to quickly complete Master’s degree in order to get a higher paid job (and add comfort to our life) in the end we have no quality time to pay much of attention, as we should, to our own beautiful children. It is sad, isn’t it?
Some of us, dear parents, never had amazing, caring, friendly relationship with our own parents or I better say never had amazing parents at all, simply because, parents of our parents, had to deal with the same problems: busy lifestyle, not enough finances, broken relationships… there is no difference between past and now.
3. Be The Best Role Model
It’s very important for every child, to have a great family: great mom, or a great dad and we, dear parents, if not yet, have to invest some time and become the most amazing role models in our child’s life once and forever. I know… I know, it’s easier to say than done, but believe me, it’s worth it! Because you and I would like to be remembered by your child as an amazing father or amazing mother, right?
Unfortunately, some of us never had a great and positive role models in our life’s (fantastic caring mom or amazing trustworthy father) from whom by age 18 we could learn everything about respect, family, trust, etc., But instead, we had to become parents one day, well, parents with limited knowledge.
Sometimes we can talk about politics, fishing, cars for hours… but if somebody (teacher at the school, or doctor) asks us a simple question: “Do you know how is your 14 years old doing?” I don’t think some of us really knows or can honestly answer this question, simply because we never seriously asked our 14 years old: “Hey buddy how are you doing, is everything alright? Do you have any problems, and need a help or advice. Your dad (mom) would love to help you!”
OR “Would you like to drink a coffee (have a breakfast) together at the Starbucks this Saturday, yes? Let’s make it happen, son!”
These short and sweet conversations can make miracles (even if your relationship was not that great for hours, days or even years…), bonding back you and your amazing child quickly, is the key remember!
Dear parent, ask yourself
- Am I a good parent or an amazing parent (Great Parent)?
- If my child needs an advice right now (and the situation is critical), will he (she) ask me for advice or he will ask his friends (who are a potentially bad influence)? Would he trust me completely and listen to me?
- What my son or daughter really thinks of me?
- Will my child visit me at the hospital when I will be 70 years old and need time and attention?
Only 10% of children or so, completely trust their parents and will choose parents over their friends seeking advice in difficult life situation.
4. Love Your Child
Love is something special and something unique. Every single kid on our planet wants to be loved and it’s really impossible to explain this simple word without wonderful example. I honestly think that the best representation of it is an amazing and warm relationship between parents in the family, between parents who really love each other and happily live day by day because our kids must be surrounded by love, respect, and happiness.
Kids feel when the parent(s) love them or not so much. If you have 3 kids, you should not love one more then another, love them both at 100% and please eliminate any even slight possibilities of favoritism.
5. Spend Time With Your Child
Spend some time each day with your kid, make it as a golden rule of your life! Believe me, it does not matter if your child is 2 or 16, spend at least 15 minutes a day with your wonderful son or daughter. Don’t go to bed until you had a quick conversation with your child: talk about next vacation, weather, school, make sure are you are the best and the most respected friend of your child. You will notice a huge relationship improvements over time.
Sometimes you might hear a very standard and old-school answer from parents that we are too busy, we don’t have enough time. Let me tell you something, today you don’t have time for your child, later when you will get old or got sick, your child (children) will not have time for you. But it might be too late to start building great relationships or even completely impossible.
Choose the right priorities, make it work, remember your child is a special person in your life.
6. Stay Consistent
If you promised something to your child: visit the Zoo next week or Disney Land next month, or something like a new bike by Christmas, please make sure you do what you said. Make sure your child will continue to trust you tomorrow as much as he trusts you today!
7. Think About Child’s Safety
Does your son (daughter) know’s your cell phone number? What if during next mall visit, your child will be lost in the store, can he find you quickly by calling you? It’s really important to prepare your kid for those type of situations.
8. Learn How To Listen With Respect (Train Your Patience)
Dear parents, sometimes we don’t have enough patience to listen what our child telling us(it does not matter if he is right or wrong), we would interrupt him in the middle of the sentence and give advice for next 15 – 50 minutes… I’m sure you’ve been in this situations. Haven’t you? This is called reactive parenting.
From early childhood, we learn alphabet, words and how to pronounce them correctly, but never really learn how to listen correctly(and never had any real training on this topic!).
We do have courses on public speaking but I’ve never heard of Public Listening Courses where you learn how to listen correctly to a speech, even if you are 100% disagree with it or hate it, and not allowed to interrupt, plus must to respect the speaker with all your heart and smile.
Let’s learn how to listen, the best time is now, believe me! Our awesome kids deserve to be heard, deserve to be respected, let’s give them this chance.
You have to be an effective parent!
Great books to read: